The Work of Work

by Renaissance Girl  

I’ve been struggling recently at work with the feeling that my job is just too big for me. God has this huge plan, and I can’t possibly keep up and do justice to the vision. I’m doomed to failure before I start and I’m terrified that I’ll stand in the way of what God is trying to do. (Hmmm…does that sound like it’s all about me?)  It hits me sometimes like a weight on my chest, and I feel short of breath. I hunkered down two days ago and said “God, what’s the word? Give me a little something to hang on to, that will reassure me that I’ll be OK.”  I dove into a book of spiritual readings, fully expecting to land on the perfect one that would banish my fear and send me out armed and ready for whatever came my way… but I didn’t find it. I was lamenting to a friend that I still struggle to talk to God constantly throughout my day, and keep him in the middle of all I do. I wonder if that’s the thing. It’s not about slapping a spiritual “band-aid” on with the perfect word scripted for me.  It’s not a temporary fix and pat on the back to say “it’ll all be good, just relax.” It’s in the daily work — the choice to pick my head up when I’m spinning, and ask God if I’m still with him or racing on my own. It’s my active relationship with God — where talking to him is my first response and not just for crisis-solving.  Maybe if I just engage in this “work” moment by moment, my ears will become better tuned to him and his plan instead of my own panicked “to-do” list.

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About Renaissance Girl

I moved to the Community with my family in 1988 when I was 10 - which gives away my current age! I am now a solemnly professed member - I work at Paraclete Press, the publishing arm of the Community and I love my job! I also sing in the choir Gloriæ Dei Cantores, and am a member of Elements Theatre Company and Spirit of America Band. As a Docent for the Church of the Transfiguration, I get to discover new things about the church every time I share it with someone else. When I'm not doing one of those activities, I love to spend time with my dog or my "extended family". There's a lot of variety in my life which keeps me energized - and I'm learning how to be more in the moment so whether I'm at a rehearsal, or making dinner in the kitchen with 5 girls, they all get 100% of me!

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